Fra-milton: A Dramatic Search For Hamilton

The following is a dramatization of a recent conversation overheard by Sophie.

Inside a tiny dorm room:

LIZZIE: I'm dead inside.

CLAIRE: Aww.

LIZZIE: I'm serious. The only thing that can bring me back to life is seeing Hamilton and that's never going to happen. The opening number #slayed at the Grammy's and now it's basically sold out forever.

CLAIRE: Yeah, probably.

LIZZIE: I feel like I'm going to throw up.

CLAIRE: Well you've got the dramatic parts of it internalized.

*CLAIRE: *Wait, before you puke, what if we tried the cancellation line? We could, like, get in the line super early and skip our morning classes. And sing and eat snacks and stuff while we wait.

LIZZIE: Those tickets are still two hundred dollars, and my birthday isn't for a few months…

*CLAIRE: *You work three days a week, twelve hours. And you have a paying summer job lined up! We're living in the same city at the same time as Lin-Manuel Miranda, America's pride and joy. What is it all for if you can't use the money to witness his genius?

LIZZIE: I know! But, if we're moving into our apartment this month, I'm going to be low on cash for a little while. I would literally kill to see him. And I would definitely be willing to overdraw my account, but there's no way that's going to fly with Pat.

CLAIRE: Pat?

LIZZIE: My dad.

CLAIRE: Ahh Pat. I love Pat…..So you're saying you could afford the tickets if we went in a few months.

LIZZIE: Yeah, but the show's going on tour soon. When I sing along to the soundtrack, my roommate gets really annoyed.

Lizzie begins singing terribly. Claire realizes how annoying this is. Lizzie remains blissfully unaware.

LIZZIE: My grades are suffering. What am I supposed to do? I can't get it out of my head! It's driving me insane! (Claire looks at Lizzie acknowledging how it's driving people insane.) Like Hamilton accepting a duel with Aaron Burr insane.

CLAIRE: I know what you should do.

LIZZIE: Shoot. (grimaces at the pun)

CLAIRE: Borrow the money.

The two share a long, unblinking stare, as if their prayers have been answered. Angels sing.

LIZZIE: I can't.

Angels disappear.

CLAIRE: Lizzie! You are not really embracing the spirit of Hamilton right now. You're not supposed to throw away your shot!

Danny appears out of nowhere.

DANNY: Borrowing from friends is never a good idea!

CLAIRE: Where did you come from? That was creepy.

DANNY: I don't think borrowing from friends is smart. It's super risky. First, the deals are usually really vague and the lender will always be worried about getting paid back.

CLAIRE: You're kind of being a Danny Downer. This is all solvable. What if we set a schedule so everyone was one the same page?

DANNY: That would be the safest way to do it.

CLAIRE: Sophie told me about Frank? You set a repayment schedule so that the borrower and the lender will both be in the know.

DANNY: Well, that's not the only problem.

CLAIRE: Enlighten me Dan-man.

DANNY: Even if you make a schedule, they could just not give you the money. You would need a contract.

CLAIRE: You would need a contract?

DANNY: Yes.

CLAIRE: Are you really saying that if your friend didn't pay you back the $400 for Hamilton tickets, you would take them to court? You would sue for that?

DANNY: Maybe.

Everyone looks at Danny with mix of embarrassment and awkwardness.

DANNY: I don't know if I would actually go to court.

CLAIRE: You see, Daniel, a contract is totally pointless if you're not willing to lawyer up. It's also going to make your friend feel like you don't trust them, making them feel terrible and, actually, even more unwilling to pay you back. On the other hand, if you don't make them sign one, they're more likely to be extra nice and pay you back faster! There's research to back it up!

DANNY: And what happens when everyone is coming to me for money? Am I supposed to believe this is going to work out every time?

CLAIRE: I think you're pushing it with the what-ifs. If you don't want to loan a person money, then don't. America didn't get involved with France's revolution in 80's… 1780's.

DANNY: What if I'm just enabling my friend? What if they never figure out their fundamental issue?

LIZZIE: (Annoyed) "Hey Danarama! I'm making money! But, I'm not a wizard. I can't always space everything out perfectly.

DANNY: Sorry, I forgot you were here.

LIZZIE: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Why don't you go get your lawyer?

Enter Lin-Manuel Miranda dressed as Alexander Hamilton.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA: This sounds a lot like my plan for the federal government to help figure out the states' debts after the revolution.

CLAIRE: Exactly! It's better for all if we help with each other's debts! Wait… Oh my god you guys. It's LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA!

Lizzie panics and falls over.

LIZZIE: I'm your biggest fan!

CLAIRE: What are you doing here? I mean, please stay. But, also, why.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA: I overheard the whole conversation, and it reminded me of my first cabinet battle with my old rival, Thomas Jefferson. He was absolutely obnoxious! I would stand to the side as he made his case against me. And then I would roast him.

CLAIRE: (whispering) He actually believes he's Hamilton.

DANNY: What do we do?

LIZZIE: I've dreamt about this happening. You're supposed to play along, or they can get violent.

CLAIRE: Danny, just keep it going, I guess.

DANNY: But, I still don't make any interest.

CLAIRE: You actually could. If you lend money on Frank, the borrower will set an amount of interest based on what their friends usually do. AND you'd get to set those norms before you decided if and how much to lend them.

DANNY: Intriguing. So I could actually make money by lending to a friend you say.

CLAIRE: Well, that's not the point. Hopefully, Lizzie's joy would be enough. But, yes, you would be making some money.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA: You see! This way both parties get a boost! I wish we had Frank when I was treasurer.

CLAIRE: So…Alexander, got any more financial advice?

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA: Always be in the room where it happens.

Lin-Manuel Miranda dances backwards out of the room.

CLAIRE: Should we check on him?

DANNY: Yeah, I'll go.

Danny follows Lin out of the room. Lizzie and Claire conclude that Lin's success is a consequence of his absolute dedication.

CLAIRE: What do you think he meant by that? Being in the room where it happens?

LIZZIE: I guess we'll have to see the show to find out. That was honestly so strange… But, you made some good points about borrowing from friends."

CLAIRE: Thanks.

Lizzie checks her phone.

LIZZIE: Danny just offered me 250$ on Frank!

LIZZIE and CLAIRE in unison: WE'RE SEEING HAMILTON!

Frank: Sophie

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